Shock, Awe, Possibilities, and Abnormally Normal

"If you become so refined that you refine yourself out of the game --the game of life-- then you're doing things that are so esoteric that they don't satisfy anybody else but you."
- John Mayer

Lately, I've been on a voluntary MIA status. No, I'm not burned out, not really. I suppose that after going through a very eventful year and being so busy that you don't really have the chance to comprehend what's really happening to you, the facts of these matters eventually catch up to you when you have a significant period of down time. And wow the past months really gave me my fill. What I find so amazing about this though is that there would have been no way I would've made it through all that hadn't it been for God. And so I find myself somewhat in a state of shock and awe and am taking time off from others to sort through the mess of thoughts that is myself and sophomore year.


I suppose that when you do something like that you tend to realize --or rather recover -- a lot about yourself, especially if you take yourself out of the picture (in my case NYC) and take it all in retrospect. Of course, you'll see the apparent mistakes you've made and you might even laugh at them. But at the same time you'll see the little nuances that raise an eyebrow and have you wondering what in the hell were you thinking. And with each cock of that eyebrow you come to realize just how much you've changed and how by some strange feat you've changed yourself without even noticing.

One interesting aspect about myself this past year was how I came in with such fervor and resolve to really be myself and not really care about what others thought of me. To some extent I really accomplished that: I feel that I'm acknowledged more so as the guy called "Dan" or "Pineda "and not the clown named "Paco." And I suppose I should acknowledge that my self-confidence has increased a little bit.

However, I remember all the goals and driven plans I had at the beginning of the year and I frown at how I never really fueled them. I realize just how much I allowed people to get in the way of that somehow. Now by no means do I frown at the people around me, they've been a great help and encouragement, but rather I frown at my lack of integrity, my lack of resolve to keep going when others didn't really have such a resolve or to some degree called me silly. These weren't put downs by any intent but rather people trying to give me a reality check, however I realize that much of the "reality" they spoke of was doubts in my determination or willingness, beliefs that it'll probably "fall through."

Coming home and being to myself, I have rekindled those goals and plans since my thoughts have a lot more space here in Sicklerville to see the routes to possibility. And with this re-lighting I guess a little rebelliousness grew as well, a willingness and urge to reject the norm. I guess I have to admit I like proving people wrong. However, I came across the above quote when listening to a Rolling Stone podcast and I have to admit that is somewhat true. With a CIFC presidency now in effect, it should come to no surprise that I've been praying for guidance and for my heart to be molded into that of a leader and I think this little quote that God made me come upon was definitely a wake me up. Of course, we're taught to not care about what other people think and to refine ourselves so as to take pride in who we are. However, at the same time, I feel like we have this sense of responsibility to not refine ourselves so much out of this game of life, especially if you are trying to reach people. Be you an artist or politician or anyone wanting to have a significant amount of influence among people you must, in a sense, remain as normal as possible so as people understand and can relate to you. But at the same time you must set yourself apart.

I suppose that's why Obama won the Democratic nomination, having been able to be incredibly radical and yet appeal to the norm, that's why Hilary had somewhat of a comeback earlier on in her campaign after she cried, because her tears showed her at her most human. And probably the most important example, which seems to justify this point, is how Christ came not as an all powerful king (in the worldly sense) but as a commoner, gaining so much greater influence and awe because he made himself as "normal" as possible but at the same time being something so much greater than "normal."

So my challenge now is to keep this sense of rebelliousness of being me but at the same time being mindful so as to relate to people. To be as normal as normal is but at the same time not sacrificing the self. Interesting indeed.

Cheers,

DP