Doubt

Jeanne d'Arc otherwise known as Joan of Arc. Her story is an interesting one - a peasant teenage girl who, having claimed divine inspiration and visions from God, led French forces to key victories during the Hundred Year's War which indirectly led to long awaited coronation of King Charles VII. Captured by the English she was tried for witchcraft and burned at the stake for heresy. Years later she was found innocent and later canonized as a saint.

I was flipping through TV channels when I came across The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc. I remembered seeing it before when it had first came out on video and thought it had cleverly portrayed her story - you could why she was considered a saint and yet at the same time, a lunatic.

However, I don't consider Jeanne to be the most dynamic character of the movie.

As Jeanne is imprisoned in England and awaiting interrogation, a hooded figure (played by Dustin Hoffman) starts appearing to her, questioning her visions and motives that she claims are from God.

When I first saw this movie I remember identifying his character as the devil, toying with Jeanne, trying to crush her faith in God. However, watching it again I had second thoughts. Hoffman's character, though eerie and dark in appearance, pointed out much of Jeanne's selfishness, her implicit desire for vengeance. He even prayed for Jeanne when the priests had refused her absolution. Was it really the devil trying to inflict doubt in her and offering her a sense of false comfort? Or was he an genuine angel, trying to reveal to Jeanne the error of her discernment before it was too late? Hoffman's identity is never explicitly identified during the movie, though he is credited as The Conscience. Whether or not he is the devil on your one shoulder or the angel on the other is portrayed just as well (and as ambiguously) as Jeanne's classification as a saint or heretic.



That morning, I had woken up with a strange feeling of fear. Or was it doubt? I was CIFC president, I felt that there were things God was really calling me to do with it. But was it really God's call? Or was it what I thought was God's call? Doubt is an integral part of faith. Discernment is an important thing to understand and respect. It all takes prayer and the ability to really look into your heart honestly. You'll have to pray very truthfully and humbly that God shows His will, that He shows you what is.

And not see what you want to see.

To speak less but mean more

I went to Mass today at my home church and had the pleasure of hearing our pastor (head priest) Father Tracy give the homily (sermon).

Homilies by Father Tracy always stood out to me. Maybe its because he's the the head pastor. Maybe its because he's the oldest among the church staff (I can't really guess how old he is, definitely a lot older than PB that's for sure). Maybe he's more in tune with the Spirit and says something that's always relevant. I'm not really sure. However, there is one image that is still ingrained in my memory:

Last summer, my mom had become a part of the lector ministry at my church and I ended up accompanying her to the early 7:30 AM service. As was necessary, we arrived a little early and to no surprise there weren't a lot of people. But there was Father Tracy, sitting in the front pew. Usually, Father Tracy is up and about, making his rounds around the church, greeting the people who arrived, asking how well they were doing and whatnot. But on this particular morning, he was just sitting there quietly to himself, a slight smile on his face, admiring something. At my home church (and the majority of Catholic churches), there is a crucifix adorning the front of the church and I realized that was what he was looking at, its appearance accentuated by the light of dawn shining in from the top of the church. I could tell that the leader of this church was having his moment with God. As CIFC president, its an image that poses a great example to me.

When I was listening Father Tracy speak today, I couldn't help but compare him to Pastor Bruce. Yes, he and PB share that passion for God and the big heart for ministering to His people, and yet he is almost everything that Pastor Bruce isn't. You see, PB's sermons are...well they're PB's. PB is able to put out such an energy when he speaks at times, undoubtedly the result of his passion and conviction for God, and thus he can make the organized Spirit-guided points he has in his notes ring in your heart as much as his yelling does in your ears. I look at Father Tracy and to be honest, if he were to try and match PB's energy and volume, he'd probably end up hurting himself.

And yet when this tiny old man speaks at the front of this church, what he says can resonate in your heart just as much. His voice doesn't go beyond a certain volume, but he speaks with such a reassuring and loving tone that you'd expect from a grandfather or a mother even, which goes to accentuate his personality as a person who you could never picture with anything other than a smile on his face. The duration of his homilies aren't even half as long as PB's sermons - they're kept simple and short so that you don't really need to take notes. In fact, taking notes would probably hinder you from listening to the message. His presence is just as his speech - plain and simple. He doesn't have any notes in his hands since he already knows all of what he is to say. He doesn't carry the Bible because it has already been read and it now lies on him to not quote it word for word but to tell us what it wants to tell us. He comes plainly as he is - the only time I remember him holding something was when he had picked a flower outside the church to help illustrate Christ as the "living water." I'm pretty sure that he practices what he says ahead of time but I can't help but sense an strong calmness in him that seems to say that "speaking from the heart isn't something you necessarily practice but something you just do."

Of course, I'm not saying PB doesn't do this either, by all means he pours out his heart as much as possible. I guess what I'm highlighting here is something that comes with time. A sort of simplification of life that comes from experiencing Love and God over and over again, y'know? Its a stripping of the unnecessary, until you get down to the stuff that really matters. By all means, yes, there is a time for bringing up the exact wording of this verse or citing this source and whatnot. But I guess one will eventually ask what really matters more? For example, word for word, what this one piece of Scripture says? Or what that Scripture means? This concept is something that applies to everything really, not just God, though God made everything so it all kinda goes back to Him anyway. But its a concept that Father Tracy had learned and is still learning. Its something PB is learning. Its something we're all learning.

To speak less but mean more.

I guess that the best example of this concept is something I hear from people closest to me, something that I would probably say to you, something we have to realize that God says to us everyday:

"I love you."

I'm gonna leave this world for a while..

You know it really amazes me how sometimes a song can catch you because a single line of that song, just a single line, can bear such a multi-faceted meaning to you.


I wasn't intending to post videos and whatnot on here in an attempt to keep this blog as strictly my thoughts on things. But the song kinda sets the tone of what I would've said better than my words alone would have. Again, that one line is the only lyric that really matters to me (since I bet you'll start pondering if you hear the rest of the song).

Oh and the cinematography is just really nice.

Laziness is a sin...

....so that means you should probably be doing work instead of reading this, NANCY!

hahaha.



But if you have time for leisure then by all means enjoy this blog. =)